To Understand
by GenerationZ
Summary: I’m not right for this world. I never was... These are Hermione's last words to Ron...if only someone had understood.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
**

**This is something I have had on my mind for a while and I needed to write it. Don't judge to harshly because you need to read between the lines. **

**Written for heenie because...well because I can.  
**

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_Dear Ron,_

_Have you ever had a nightmare where you have awoken with such a start that you think your heart has ceased to beat. Have you ever thought that being apart of this world was not enough, that you weren't meant to be here?_

_These aren't normal thoughts and I discovered that a while ago. I've tried to hide my past from you but I can't anymore._

_I have always been afraid that you would find out. I was scared that I would leave this world with the knowledge that my best friends' would never know the real me. Both you and Harry have been there for me for most of my teenage years but you haven't always. There was once a time when I was not the Hermione you knew. A time when I was not complete._

_I am afraid that I am still not complete. I have tried for my entire life to feel complete; to feel like I belong in this thing called the world. It has never happened. Though my love of books and magic is apart of me, my cheerfulness towards life was not._

_My nightmare has continued for my entire life. It is though I am two persons. The one you know and understand, and the one which is locked inside me and no-one would want to see._

_These are my last words to you, my dearest Ron; I am not the person you think you know. I am not the one you should give your love to. I am not the person who deserves it._

_Ron, I'm not right in the head, I never have been. These thoughts that go through my mind are disturbed and I have no wish to listen to them anymore. My mind is in constant agony and turmoil. You cannot ask me to love you when I know that you deserve better._

_I'm not right for this world. I never was._

_My final words are that I am not a muggle, nor am I a witch. I'm nothing. That has been my past Ron and I'm ashamed of that. Slowly and surely my insides have rotted away and I have been left with my disturbed thoughts._

_I was always told I was a nothing. Though my parent's have tried to make me forget those memories of my relatives destroying me with their words, they didn't succeed. My parents only heard their words; they never knew the terror I would face each time I came in contact with any of my relatives._

_Through them I have come to learn I am nothing. I have been beaten and ridiculed by themfor my entire life yet I led my parents to believe I wasn't. My life has been a fake which has made my entire being abandon me. My bitter side had taken over my sane side. I was bitter towards those who could love freely without their own mind telling them not too. I was better to those who had family who loved them, not beat them. I was bitter towards anything and everything._

_I'm sorry that I did this Ron. I'm sorry that I threw this on to you but you had to know. I didn't do this because of you; I did this because of me. You are a sweet, kind, caring person and I didn't deserve the love you thrust upon me._

_I will always love you with my entire soul,_

_Hermione_

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A body was slumped across the neat green carpet. The long, slender fingers of one hand clutched a black gun and in the other held a rolled up piece of paper. Crimson blood was staining the carpet. A mass of brown curls was being mattered by the blood but the body was out of this world.

No-one would find this body for several hours. The first to find this body would be muggle police officers, sent up to investigate the apartment by a neighbor. Other would arrive until the apartment was filled with spectators; this being the most exciting thing to happen for the past week.

A red haired figure would run into the living room, tears staining his cheeks. Not caring about the muggles surrounding him, he would throw himself over the curly haired girl and sobbing into the hollow of her neck.

"Hermione!" He would sob the name over and over again.

This was the biggest suicide of the muggle and wizardry world. Yet, no-one ever knew the extent of the poor girl's wounds. No-one really understood why this smart, beautiful witch killed herself. She was about to marry the love of her life, she was best friend's with the boy-who-lived, yet it wasn't enough.

What no-one understood was that she needed to be released. She had to free herself from her nightmares and this was the only way she knew how. Hermione had thought that those nightmares would leave her if she made them and this was the only way to do that.

As everyone said at her funeral, it was a tragedy. If only someone had understood.

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**Don't be harsh. Like I said, read between the lines. I hear things like suicides and no-one really understands why they would do this. I'm not saying that I know, because I don't, it's just something that has always been on my mind. **


End file.
